I’ve Been Ignoring You

Let’s not talk about how long it is since I’ve posted.

I’ve been going through some job related stuff and long story short, I have a new one which I’ll be starting soon. I’ll figure out a  way to make time for Gamesburp even though I’ll have homework. And no my new job is not seducing schoolgirls. Also that isn’t a job.

Oh don’t be so dramatic, I still love you guys. I promise to quit drinking and everything. I’ll be different this time I promise……

The New LA Noire Trailer is as Creepy as it is Awesome

Team Bondi have used some wicked crazy facial capture on LA Noire and although it looks just a little bit off, like you’re squinting, it is also remarkably good at tying down a performance. The outstanding characteristic of this trailer, surpassing even the wonderful score and post -noire clichés is the breadth of character.

As you will be basing your investigation of the cases off how people act and react this efficient characterisation is essential. I’m assuming that we’ll be spending our game time trying to decipher the infamous Means-Motive-Opportunity triangle by squinting. And that’s why the faces look as though I am squinting at them.

The Undergarden

There’s probably some kind of legal impediment to prevent me from actually recommending you get stoned on the 10th of November.

So in an unrelated matter I will use the term “fisting” and its variants and you can take that to mean whatever the hell you want it to mean. I wont judge.

When November 10th rolls around you’ll be thinking

“just another Wednesday, why bother with getting fisted today?”

then

“shit the bed, it’s time for the weekly PSN and/or XBL updates, exclamation point”

then you’ll stumble across a brand spankers title by the newly re-invigorated Atari.

Atari have been around forever, they went the way of Sega before Sega went the way of Sega and now back under the wing of original co-founder Nolan Bushnell, they are after the online download only short game market. It’s probably one of the gaming sectors with most potential for growth.

Anyway, this title called Undergarden may pop out at you especially if you have, mere moments before, dabbled in a spot of fisting. If you had not then seeing the link window on your screen will probably make you want to get fisted straight away.

“But Professor Robot” (that’s me kids) you’ll cry “I spend all my money on fisting and/or I’m far to fisted too access the buy screen right now”

Well fear not because those peeps over at Atari (who may or may not have been getting their fist on while developing this title) have decided to release some sweet, sweet Demo time for you. So if you’re like me and have no money then pop on and have a look. If you have money then get the Demo so you know whether to spend that money on this. It’s win-win and you cannot fail.

Unless you’re so fisted you can’t actually stand to get to your TV.

I will most certainly be hankering after the demo, I shall leave it to your imaginations whether I shall be getting fisted while doing so. It looks kind of like an HD flash game. Hopefully you can mook around with the settings because I’d really like to reduce the ambient light and push up the contrast to emphasize those neons going on, really make it pop. It’s actually a 20 level puzzler so you’ll be able to engage some of that left brain function as a bonus.

If you can imagine PixelJunk Eden lounging around getting fisted with PixelJunk Shooter on a beanbag with the water levels of Donkey Kong Country instigating the whole affair, then that’s pretty close to what we have here.

So how can you not want to at least check it out?

Call of Duty: Black Ops – What do we know?

Go HERE for the lovely Launch Trailer

 

Black Ops is almost upon us so I thought I’d give a run down of what we know so far. Some of this maybe wrong but I’m pretty confident I’ve got all the facts. I’ll concentrate on the multiplayer here as you pretty much know what to expect with COD single player. Globe trotting Special Forces soldiers doing the jobs no one else wants to do. Unlike previous games though Black Ops will take place across a larger time frame, we’re talking missions from the 60’s all the way up to present day.

Come down for

Football Manager 2011 – Demo available

I'm squashed? Your mums squashed.

The best football management sim around is back for a new season and you can now download the demo before the November 5th release

http://www.sortitoutsi.net/forum/topic/47425-fm11-demo-now-available/

With Prof Robot away it means I can post football related stuff on here with out immediate ridicule.
There are 2 versions of the demo, Vanilla and Strawberry. Vanilla lets you play half a season as any one in the English or Scottish leagues, the Strawberry lets you play as any one in Europe, again for half a season.

I’ve had a quick play and as expected I think it’s great. There have obviously been plenty of tweaks in the background that you’d never know about but there has also been some pretty nice additions front and center.
Tactics wise you can now plan your set pieces to a degree, where players position themselves for corners and free kicks and so forth.
The media interactions have been spruced up a bit, now if you talk to the media it’s in an interview style, they ask questions you answer or you can steer the conversation on to different topics. Press conferences however haven’t really been touched which is slightly disappointing, there is still only a very limited amount of responses and they’re all pretty much the same as last year.
Player interactions have had a revamp too. In the past I haven’t really bothered with these much but now they again take the form of conversations. I’ve already managed to upset Gomes at Spurs. He wanted to move to a bigger club, I tried telling him I was trying to move the club forward, he didn’t believe me so I told him he was being disrespectful, he then ended the meeting. Dick.
The big change every one has been talking about is the new role of agents in the game. Now agents will offer players to you and more importantly it’s the agents who negotiate all the contracts. They’ll come in and tell you what their clients want, you then start to negotiate going back and forth with different offers. Different agents have different personalities, some are more willing to bend, others won’t budge. It’s a nice feature that adds a little drama to the usual boring process of offering your players new deals. In the past I’d just offer them what they want and be done with it. Now there is a real need to negotiate.

The pitch view has been enhanced quite a bit, the players on the pitch move more fluently and the animations more varied. It’s great, it all adds to the immersion.
I’m loving the demo and can’t wait for the new game.
In fact why the fuck am I writing this for you losers when I could be playing…later suckas.

Win The Sims 3 Barnacle Bay NOW

WIN THE SIMS 3 BARNACLE BAY FREE BARNACLE BAY FREE SIMS 3 DLC FREE EXPANSION PACK PRIZE GIVEAWAY WIN WIN WIN TODAY.

Suck on that search engines.

Today and tomorrow follow us on Twitter, ReTweet this phrase

RT for a chance to win a #Sims3 Barnacle Bay download code from The Sims Online Store & @gamesburp

and you are in with a chance of winning one of three Sims 3 Barnacle Bay expansion pack codes.

I know your commanding officer told you never to Retweet but you must trust me now. Retweet and you could win.

Three winners will be picked at random whereby I will contact you for your email address and you will be emailed the code.

Simples.

TGS Happened

Actually it’s still happening. For some reason I thought this was going to be in October so it’s caught me with my proverbial pants down. Also, my literal pants.

The shame of being seen with one’s legs over one’s head attempting to auto-fellate is nothing compared to the shame one feels at never having been to Japan. I mean, I’ve heard that’s the case. I want to go but am acutely aware that I will not have the resources to do so at any point in the next 15 – 20 years.

Because I know you want up to the second coverage I’m recommending you find another site, because you’ve come to the wrong place, it’s only fair.

Here’s what would have made my underwear tight if I were wearing any.

Please, Something Just Happen….

It’s a slow time of year for video games.

There are some good looking things around no doubt, but if your ass is broke then your options are somewhat limited. I’ve borrowed Yakuza 3 which is shaping up to be the closest thing to Shenmue since…..well, Shenmue II.

Metroid Other M is out but I don’t really give a shit about that. I love Metroid and think Samus is a great character, so I do not want to know why she is like she is.

If you’re like me, and I know you’ll feel great shame in admitting that, you’re probably just waiting until the end of this month so you can hammer the Civilization V demo. I am not a proud man, it seems.

Just under 3 weeks to go until Eurogamer, which I am totally attending. Not as press though because I’m sure my application would be laughed directly into file 13 (the bin).

Other than that I’m just waiting around for Christina Hendricks to get on the cover of a magazine so our readership spikes when people google her tits.

Such is life.

What! I’ve Totally Been Busy

For all one of you regular readers it may not have escaped your attention that Hey! I haven’t posted but Jack or Shit in a clear month. Well I have a good reason for that.

And that reason is……..

…………………………..

……………………

……………………………….

……………………………….

…………so then I said “you can’t fit that many in there”. Anyways I think that’s a good enough explanation.

Oh, what? You must have gone through a tunnel or something.

So, what is there to reward you for your wait? Well tomorrow we are going to try our pitiful hand at recording a Podcast, because everyone loves aural stimulation. So far I have not thought of a clever name. Anyway, catch it while it’s fresh because in two months it will have faded back into the internet obscurity from whence it came.

Oh you lucky thing……..

Sadness

In the previous post I mentioned Sadness, at one point one of the most promising looking games on the Wii. It had a trailer “inspired by” the gameplay

News came in dribbles and plenty of people called shenanigans and labelled it Vapourware. Developers Nibris seemed to be going to some sort of trouble over it though and said a couple of times that they were still making it. Here’s the website.

It was supposed to be a psychological horror set in Eastern Europe in the early 1900s, it simply sparked in the mind and had me salivating at the possibility. They wanted to lose the in game HUD, they wanted no start up screen but a seemless entry into the game and they wanted to lose overt game saves.

I don’t know who the hell actually did this Nibris thing, and if they did actually work on a game what the hell were thay doing for so long.

The evidence says that this game did exist in some form because they had publishing partners which came and went and this guy, Arkadiusz Reikowski, made a demo soundtrack which he posted on his blog here.

Anyways, the same guy announced that Nibris had shelved Sadness as of 5th April 2010 thereby putting people like me out of their misery. After they announced a late 2009 release and nothing materialised in the year leading up to it, we all knew deep down it wasn’t happening, but hey, it’s nice to get some closure.

It’s just such a damn shame.