DC Universe Online Beta

Well it doesn’t get any nerdier than this. Not only is it a video game but it’s an MMO video game. Not only that but it’s based on comics. Simply by downloading the beta client I instantly became 30% less attractive to the opposite sex.

My average handsomeness aside, DCUO is a big deal not least because it requires a substantial investment from you.

First off the disc costs £30 at least. Next you must subscribe at a monthly price point of £9.99. Then you must invest your time, because if I’m paying a sub every goddamn month then I will play at every opportunity I’m given.

Cracking one out? That means you’ve got one free hand mister (or ms).

Taking a shit? Time to invest in a commode.

So what do you get for your money? Why exactly should you drop cash on DCUO?

First you must create a superhero that you will be unhappy with in some small way for as long as you can stand to keep them.  Then you must select a generic power and combat skill which will be mismatched and will underwhelm you, at first. Then simply witness your super being birthed into a world of other people whose pseudo-DC avatars are making them feel the exact same way.

But damn it I WILL enjoy this.

I chose flying and then wished I’d chosen super speed. Then a grew to like the flying animations, they’re pretty smooth and handy for carrying stuff. I mooched around Gotham and beat up some guys, smashed some stuff and rescued some people. The tasks themselves were just happening and I just kind of ticked the objectives off the list. So far, so pedestrian.

What it really needs to give it meaning is context and just as I was getting fed up, so Batman chimes in and wants me to put down some thugs. So now I’m part of a world and I have a purpose. So I take out some thugs, smash some stuff….

Then I need to rescue Batwoman because she’s too smokin’ hot to escape from the Scarecrow. So I go fight him and smash some stuff. Then I fly around Gotham to see if I can scare a civilian by taking them up a tall building but I don’t really see anyone.

DCUO has a huge stock of source material and a potentially neverending stream of content. Whenever I began to go through the motions there’d be a new quest thread or I’d level up and gain a new trait to expand my skill set. You’re flying can get faster, you can tag on an extra move to your combo or develop a new power.

As it’s the beta, it’s unfair to criticise it based on glitches so I won’t go into that. It did however, have an air of being a little bit, well, boring.

Everyone has their costume which looks like the kind of costume an ordinary person would come up with. Which it is. Then some powers, so I had flight and fire. No real reason for this combination. Just because. Then I knew martial arts. Again no particular reason why I would know martial arts.

In The Incredibles Syndrome said of his plan to give powers to all ordinary peoples “when everyone’s super…..no one will be”.

That’s kind of what DCUO does. It’s like a massive, un-licensed DIY superhero costume party.

I could live with this though, partly because that’s an awesome idea and partly because there is the promise of tons of adventures and you do get to fight with the big characters but then another thing gets stuck in the craw.

The subscription.

I understand it costs a lot to make an MMO and to continue supporting it with new content. But come on. £10 a month.

If you can buy your PSN cards cheaper than their value, which is possible, then it’ll be slightly less. For pushing into a new market on console I expected an innovative new payment plan which took account of the fact console gamers by definition and virtue of their machine, will by-and-large play many games, and will not want to be tethered to one indefinitely. A standard sub does this.

I want to play this game, I really do. But I can’t justify that price month after month, and the amount of time that is worth, plus the other games that I will want to play. Then I’ll feel I need to keep playing or I lose my character and everything I invested. Sony Online Entertainment also operate Free Realms, a micro-transaction oriented family MMO. It make huge revenue. Lord of the Rings Online just tripled their income by moving from subs to free-to-play. DCUO needs to get with the times to go mainstream.

DCUO is good, it just isnt…Super.

Call of duty: Black Ops – review

I started this reveiw ages ago and just never got round to finishing it. so sorry for that but I’ve been playing a shit ton of this game. Anyway my thoughts are below.

So I’ve been busy playing a little game, don’t know if you’ve heard but Call of duty Black Ops is out.
Below is my review,

Undead Nightmare Review

You know how in crime dramas the detective usually makes slow progress to uncover the mystery? Sometimes though, right at the start he knows who did it and the rest is merely academics.

Similarly, let’s get right down to the crux of this thing.

Undead Nightmare is a post ejaculation blow job. Not strictly necessary to proceedings and you may not be able to get into it directly after the main thrust, but it’s very pleasant and welcome nonetheless.

Go play the main story in Red Dead Redemption if you haven’t already and I’ll see you in 20-30 hours depending on how sidetracked you get, which you will.

So after John Marston kills Dutch and returns to his family, Undead Nightmare drops in on the homestead and throws a plague of the undead down on the kitchen table. However inconvenient it is to the guy, it’s pretty entertaining for us and the placement of it within the main story is pitched just right. A time where several months elapse and many things can be assumed to have happened “off screen” as it were.

The family get bit so you have to tie them up, barricade them in the cabin and jolly well ride out to find a cure. John is nothing if not a man of action. Humanity was lovingly woven into RDR, no matter its leanings, disgraces, prejudices and triumphs and it is good to see that Rockstar have put the same effort into this content, and not just booted it out of the door armed with whatever they cut from the main story. Every person has a theory on the undead thumping about above ground. The government. The Jews. Gravedigger Seth. Mexicans. Sin. Anything people fear. Which is everything across the spectrum if you sample a large enough group.

Anyway John must ride back out west to see what the to-do is all about. He reconnects with various people from his main adventure, most unimportant to the plot but it helps to re-establish the neurons. It makes it feel as if it is a world, as surely these would naturally be places one would be drawn to.

Zombies are everywhere these days and the comfort is that we only fall over them in the street figuratively. This almost played out genre is thoroughly acceptable here because for one it is Rockstar, who we have come to trust. And for another because this western was so refreshing to us, by association the follow on content is as well. It exists under RDR’s graces for the most part but that is not to deny that it is a good piece of work in its own right. The application is the thing.

After all’s said and done most of the stuff is merely a skin. There are four types of Zombie and any animals are the same as their main game counterpart except for an “undead” prefix. Fine. My favourite part though, is how bodies of water on the map are displayed in red. Subtle but nice.

As with RDR the main plus is the lighting and environment. They’ve introduced a mist. A small alteration but you can see it floating over lowlands or while you’re in it at sunrise it will eerily illuminate the sky. It is the very faintest of nuances but expertly done.

The general mechanics are all the same. We have some new challenges for the journal; undead hunter, undead sharpshooter and so on. You may choose to liberate a town from a zombie onslaught for which you earn a new weapon and valuable ammunition, so we are encouraged to do so if we want to remain effective. A canny move to extend the play time, and far from un-enjoyable.

There are clear graveyard missions and bounty hunts are now missing person side quests. A particular highlight is the addition of mythical beasts. We have Sasquatch in the mountains, Chupacabra in Mehico and the four horses of the Apocalypse. The four horses give you almost unlimited stamina to get around quicker along with a fiery offensive from War and head bursting goodness from Death.

This gets into a small problem I have, with this and RDR. I want to level up, so I try to complete side tasks before I complete the main story. I want to get all the outfits so that I can use their benefits while there is still an actual point to playing. I understand that there must be a fine line walked here. If it is too easy to level up too early in the main quest then the game becomes too easy or is subject to an enemy difficulty grading in accordance with your abilities. Part of the charm of Red Dead is that even with a boss, such as they exist here, a headshot is still a headshot so the grading does not fit in. This leaves the essential placement of the levelling up segments.

Here’s my problem, I’ve completed the story on RDR and Undead Nightmare before collecting all the additional skills and items. So now I have no reason to go for unfinished outfits except to be completist, but as they serve a function I want to get some function out of them. Thus I now feel no need to revisit either the main game or this DLC to really finish up.

That said, the way Undead Nightmare ends by  slotting back into the main story is inspired. Slipping back into John’s worn boots is great after the surprise of being forced to ride around as that little gobshite Jack Marston.

“Work ya damn nag”. Shudder.

So yes, you do want to buy this. It is one of the better DLCs out of any game you care to mention. You can enjoy it on its own and pretty soon you can buy the standalone version on disc but for the full enjoyment and appreciation you need to have played and completed Red Dead Redemption.

Medal of Honor – Review

Beards of cool now, not creepy.

So I wasn’t going to buy Medal of honor. It came out too close to Black Ops for me to justify it but then the wife came to the rescue. She decided to trade in her Wii and all the games so she could get more Professor Layton games on the DS. I convinced her she should get me Medal of honor as well.

So here’s a quick review. It’s alright. End.

Ok so you want more detail. (I know you don’t just humour me.) The campaign is shorter, shorter than MW2 even. I think I did it in 5 or 6 hours, on normal. The game is stupidly easy. It’s dramatic and it’s cinematic but sometimes you just feel like you’re along for the ride, not actually knee deep in the shit.
There is a nice variety to the missions though so it never gets boring but it does feel like it’s all too brief. In the end I had fun for the brief time it went on but at the end I didn’t really feel like it had blown me away. (That’s what she said).

So multiplayer, it’s alright. The problem with FPS shooters is they seem to not realize why Call of Duty is so popular. In COD you have so much choice and variety. Lots of game modes, lots of maps, lots of weapons, lots of attachments, perks and so on. It’s what keeps you playing.
MOH isn’t a bad MP experience but I don’t know what would make me keep playing it. There are a total of about 12 weapons I think. You have to pick a rifleman class, a spec ops class or a sniper class. That’s it; you can barely customize your kit at all. So there is no drive to unlock things, once you’ve unlocked the red dot site for each weapon (or a better scope in the case of the sniper kit) there is nothing else useful to aim for.
The biggest problem for this game though is the spawn system and map design. There are several maps on the game where you can see from your side of the map all the way into the enemy spawn. Many a time playing over the weekend I found myself spawning and dying before I had a chance to move. I did the same thing if I’m honest. Found myself a nice little spot on the map and waited for people to spawn in.
It’s terrible, avoiding spawn camping should be a fundament of map design in a game of this kind. If you’re going to have fixed spawn points you shouldn’t be able to see them from across the map.

To sum up I’ll play this until black ops comes out but I doubt I’ll play after. It’s a good effort but too many fundamental mistakes take a way from the fun.

Civilization 5 – Review

So on the recommendation of the Prof I went out a got myself a copy of Civilization 5. I think I’ve ruined my life.

Dead Rising 2 – Review

With the risk of being relevant, I bring you my thoughts on Capcom’s Dead Rising 2.

Click below for good shiz…and zombies.

Skate 3 – A review

So here I am, reviewing a game that isn’t over a year old. Wonders never cease. In honor of reviewing a slightly relevant game I may try and be slightly professional in my review. It will most likely however still contain expletives such as fuck and vagina.

So click below and behold my insight into the world of Skate 3.

Civilization V Quasi-Review

Sticks and stones will fuck you up

Continuing GamesBurp’s proud tradition of “being too broke to buy games and not influential enough to score review code” I humbly submit to you a look at the new, full, complete version of Civilization V………..demo.

I came into Civilization (and didn’t call back) relatively late, only about 2 years ago with Civ IV. It was pretty much love at first play and relegated The Sims from the top of my strategy game favourites list. A list which consists of two games. Until now, because Civ V has taken Civ IV roughly from behind and left it flagged and exhausted on the kitchen floor. In the good way.

I once described Civilization as being “as addictive as heroin on crack” so for me and many gamers around the world, this teaser promo was spot on.

Quantum of Solace – Review

Sup?

So yeah, we’ve been slack, but this is the quiet before the storm as we head in to Christmas and the big games start being released. Summer is always slow for gaming. It seems the game makers don’t realize that no matter what the weather, people who play a lot of games don’t go outside.

Any way the big release at the minute is of course Halo Reach, Me and the Prof only like good games and we don’t have Xboxes so we haven’t mentioned it here. Pretty poor for a supposed game blog but there you go. I blame Nasty Butler, He’s our resident Xboxer and he’s nowhere to be seen.

Any way that’s a long intro, click below if you’re interested in continuing this bull shit.

So. What’s Going On?

I’ve taken a bit of time off from the blog, for reasons outlined clearly in the post below, but I could never take time off from playing games (I can’t quit you) so here’ what’s been in my machines.

Red Dead Redemption

Shit a brick, this was released 3 months ago. I finished this beaut in about 30 hours I think, with most side missions. I had gushed about my first impressions (here) and intended to do a rolling review (here). I probably wont do that unless there’s overwhelming demand (there wont be) because although I took many notes, it just isn’t that relevant anymore and was possibly, possibly, crushingly pretentious.